In this new article, singer cum writer, Etcetera
called out three of our female celebrities that are divorced – Funke
Akindele, Chika Ike (who spent $ 24,000 on a yacht trip in Dubai) and
Ini Edo, who just bought a Lekki house and rumored G-Wagon is Ini Edo.
Read below:
Hey Alfred’
‘Yes! Who be this?’
‘Ahan, you no get my number again? Na Frank dey talk.’
‘Hey Franko my guy.’
‘Alfred nawa oo, I don call you taya. Wetin happen wey you no gree pick my calls?’
‘Frank abeg no vex, I been dey inside one shop for “The Palms.”
‘Shuoo, person wey dey inside shop no dey pick calls again? Abi you dey with babe? Talk true.’
‘Frank abeg free me. No be babe mata dey do me now.’
‘Wetin happen Alfred? Why are you sounding like this today?’
‘Frank mehn, my wife don start her madness again. As I dey talk to you so, I wan leave her. I don taya I swear.’
‘Take am easy Alfred. Na the same wahala all of
us wey marry celeb dey face. I even dey with Femi and Gbenga for here.
If you hear their complaints, you sef go taya. Wait for us for “The
Palms.” We go reach there in 30 minutes time.’
‘Hey Alfredoski my guy!’
‘Femi how far? Hey Gbenga, where you buy this nice shirt?’
‘O’boy na my wife buy am for me oo. How your
beautiful wife naa Alfred? Frank yarn us as we dey come say una wahala
don start again.’
‘Gbenga I swear, I don taya for that girl.’ ‘Mehn, this sun na die. Abeg make we find somewhere to chill and take some bottles.’
‘Oya Alfred, gist us wetin happen between you and
your wife this time around? But wait first Alfred, before you talk
about you and your wife mata, are you not supposed to be at work at this
time of the day?’
‘Why are you sounding like this Frank? Haven’t I told you that I don’t go to work whenever my wife is having menstrual pains?’
‘So wetin you come dey do for “The Palms”?’
‘Bros, she sent me to buy her sanitary pads and some chocolate.’
‘Shuoo your wife don turn you to houseboy finish
ooo. So you no go work today because your wife wan eat chocolate and
wear pad? Wonders shall never end. Na so she send you the other day go
collect her purse wey she forget for another man house for Ikoyi.’
‘Gbenga abeg leave Alfred alone make him gist us
wetin really happen between him and his wife this morning. That is why
we stopped over.’
‘Ok, guys I was enjoying my sleep jeje this early
morning, wey my wife come back from God knows where and woke me up to
go and bathe her daughter. Before I say make I open my eyes, she don
sprinkle water for my face.’
‘WHAT!!! So wetin you come do am?’ ‘Nothing na!
Abi una want make I beat her? The water wey she pour for my face no even
vex me like that. Na the insult wey follow the water make me vex. Na
small thing remain I for slap her I swear.’
‘Mehn Alfred you messed up big time. If na my wife, I for use slap shave her eyebrows.’
‘Frank abeg make I hear word. Ok, make I slap her so that she go use me do publicity abi? Make she tell the world say I be wife beaterabi? You know that our yeye press men won’t even bother asking my side of the story before writing their usual nonsense.’
‘Alfred, you and your wife mata na comedy I swear.’
‘Femi, wetin make you dey laugh? Shebi you sef
dey plan to marry celeb? No worry, we dey wait. Don’t forget you already
told me the reason you want to marry your celebrity girlfriend is
because you loved the way she acted in the movie called “Jennifa.” You
told Frank just two days ago that you are not very sure if her divorce
went through the legal process of annulment or if it was just a case of
her ex husband telling her to get out of the house and never come back
again. Better find out the true reason for her divorce and if it was
legally done so you don’t go to jail for bigamy.’
‘It’s ok Alfred.’
‘No Frank, let me finish what I am saying. After
all we are all going through the same mess married to female celebs who
have several divorces under their belt.’ ‘From what we all have seen of
our celebrity wives and colleagues, none of us can vouch for our wives.
Most female celebs are serial-cheaters and polyandrous. Some of them
have married so many times that if they had a certificate for each
divorce, the walls of their living rooms would be covered with frames like the office of the vice chancellor of UNILAG. Gbenga, why are you so quiet? How’s your wife?’
‘Frank, she’s fine jare.’
‘Is she back from Enugu? I taya oo. I wonder how long they will take to shoot a movie. Hope she calls sha?’
‘She called yesterday asking me to help her wash the pants she soaked in the laundry room two weeks ago before she travelled?’
‘My God, Gbenga please tell us you didn’t wash them. Did you?’
‘Yes I did, but before I did, I told her it would be the last time I’d ever wash her pants.’
‘Abegii, make we hear word. Who you dey lie for? Mehn, we don suffer for our wives hands sha. Frank, we heard your ex wife spent 24,000 dollars on a yacht trip in Dubai a couple of days ago.’
‘Abeg make una let me hear word. She no fit afford such extravagance. Maybe she don catch another maga.’
‘Frank don’t tell us you are jealous. What makes
you so sure that she can’t afford it? Didn’t you see my wife’s friend
who just got divorced the other day in her brand new G-wagon and they
say she has also bought a house for herself here in lekki?’
‘Gbenga you be
mumu if you believe say na her money she take buy house and G-wagon.
How much she dey collect per movie and how many movies she dey act?’
‘Abeg na dem sabi jare. Make I begin dey go. My
wife go soon call to ask whether I don pick her daughter from school. I
still get to cook for her and her friends this evening.’
‘Guys, me sef don waka oo, I no dey for my wife
trouble. Femi, are you not going home? You wey go soon become the latest
Lekki husband. But please make sure her previous marriage was legally
annulled by a court of competent jurisdiction ok?’
‘You be our guy and we don’t want you to be like Gbenga whose marriage is illegal.’
‘Frank, better keep quiet there.’
‘Guys we go see later. Hey Alfredoski, take am easy with your wife oo.’
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