Photo courtesy of Fox
1. What if they all know each other? I
mean, I haven’t met their friends yet so it’s possible they all hang
out together in some sort of sports league situation and next thing
I know I’m showing up to one of their football games and realizing I’m
dating the entire cast of Friday Night Lights.
2. You want to schedule them back to back but you’ve seen enough sitcoms to know that’s not a good idea. Ugh,
but it’d be so much easier to schedule one after the other so I don’t
have to go home in between. Preferably at the same bar so I could just
sit there all night motionless like a beached seal.
3. You can’t go to your favorite bar on all your dates because the others might see you there. Great,
now I have to find multiple destinations in completely different
neighborhoods so I don’t accidentally overlap and then have to have an
awkward exchange in the middle of the street.
4. Your bartender knows what you’re doing. You can tell just by looking at him. And I know he
sees other people doing it too. He probably even sees people I go out
with going out with other people. Wait, I wonder if he has information I
should know about. He really is the keeper to my freaky universe and I
should probably tip him more. I see that now.
5. One of them is having feelings for you and it is not the one you like the most. You
know you’re going to have to have The Talk with them and tell them
you’re not interested in becoming exclusive, but also they’re really
good at going down on you and losing that will suuuuuck.
6. You’re having feelings for one of them but you’re not ready to give up on your cool new sex cult. I
kind of like one of them, I do, but I also currently like boning
multiple randos more. Plus, isn’t it better that I’m not committing to
someone I’m not sure about than to commit too soon and still reminisce
about rando boning? Yes, yes, it is.
7. Making sure one hookup isn’t leaving things at your place that another hookup could find later. Aww,
this love note you left on my pillow in the morning is completely cute
but now I have to hide it in an old grocery bag I’ll shove in my closet
so the person I have coming over in an hour doesn’t get offended by
something they technically don’t have any right to be offended by
because it’s only our third date.
8. Wait, what if they’re sleeping with other people too? How dare you, and I do mean how dare you?
It is one thing for me to be dating multiple people, but I am supposed
to be the most incredible person you have ever met, so much so that you
cannot even fathom ever dating anyone else again as long as you live!
Why can’t you see that? Because that makes me a gigantic hypocrite? Fair
point.
9. Should I feel guilty about this? Am I an asshole? I mean, plenty of people do this, right? I’m doing what you’re supposed to
do when you date. I’m dating around so I can make sure I’m with the
right person ultimately. OK, yeah. I’m fine. I’m totally fine.
10. When you’re on a date with one person but thinking about another person. Eh,
that joke was funny but not as funny as the ones that the guy I date on
Saturdays tells. God, he’s hilarious and he has better cheekbones. OK,
focus. This guy has superior abs and is a better listener most of the
time. Stay present.
12. What if their roommate/friend you met sees you on a date with someone else? Great,
now I’ve met another person who knows I’m dating this person and I have
to spend my dates with other people looking for that person like
they’re a spy who could cause my undoing. Which actually sounds kind of
fun, but still no.
13. When you tell a story a bunch of times because you can’t remember which one you already told it to. Oh,
did I already tell you that? I’m so forgetful sometimes! Especially
when I’m seeing other people besides you in a romantic context, which I
am absolutely doing right now.
14.
When you tell someone you just want to keep it casual for now and they
think that just means you don’t want to get married and have kids within
the year. "Yeah I want to keep it casual too! Would you like to meet my parents this weekend?" No, Josh. Jesus!
15. When they all drop off the map except for the one you were the least into. Great, now I’m just dating one person like a commoner. Rest in peace, that one time I dated like a baller.
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