Coming from a failed marriage, I
knew what to do differently when I decided to remarry. Just like any other
marriage, my husband and I have our share of ups and downs. But the secret to
making the marriage work is working together and putting love first.
If there is an imbalance between you
and your spouse, you can’t expect the marriage to work. Therefore, here are 10
things you can learn from a failed marriage.
Getting married for the wrong
reasons
If your relationship is on rocky
grounds, do not assume marriage is the answer. Marrying someone you do not
trust, constantly fighting with your spouse or following a pattern of break ups
and make ups are just a few signs the marriage will suffer. People have this
misconception that marriage changes a person. It can, but only if the person
wants to change. Marriage is a serious commitment, not a problem solver.
Being abused
The moment you are verbally attacked
or physically bruised by your spouse, you know it is time to leave. As scary as
it is to pick up and move forward, you must for your safety – and the safety of
your children. If you have no family or friends to turn to, reach out to your
local hospital or church. Your well-being, and that of your children, are
priority. Kids quietly suffer or act out. When children live in an abusive
environment, they run the risk of experiencing the same in their relationships.
Do not bring up the past
Do not bring up the past
There is no reason you should rehash
what can no longer be changed. Reliving the past in your marriage is only
calling for trouble and instability. Levels of frustrations will rise, and a
simple discussion turns into a quarrel. For example, if you and your spouse are
arguing over a family outing, do not bring up something from the past to make a
point. The past is the past. Leave it there.
Arguing over the finances
Most married couples have their
share of finance problems. Sometimes unforeseen circumstances – hospital bills
for you or the kids or a mishap with your home property – can cause tension
between you and your spouse. When there are not enough funds, you and your
spouse feel the urge to argue. There is finger pointing, who should work more
hours, and who should drop certain expenditures. Instead, take a step back and
calmly talk with your spouse.
Lack of respect
You may have differences of opinions
about religion, politics, how and where to raise a family and so forth. As much
as opinions are sometimes hard to receive, always give respect. There is no
right or wrong when it comes to opinions.
Not giving each other space
Not giving each other space
As wonderful as it is to spend every
minute with your spouse, it’s healthy to give each other some space. Once in a
while go out without your spouse. Both of you should mingle with friends or
family as a way to clear the mind from the everyday routine. A little space
means catching up with old friends or relatives. It doesn’t mean doing
unfaithful activities. When you give each other space, you begin to miss one
another.
No trust
If you cannot trust your spouse or
if your spouse cannot trust you around certain people, alone or handling
matters, then what is the point to the marriage? It’s an unpleasant feeling
being married and unable to live a content life because feelings of mistrust
linger in the marriage.
Lack of understanding
If your spouse is facing trouble at
work, problems with a friend or just feels bad about her appearance, it is hard
to relate because you do not know exactly how she feels. Nevertheless, ask your
spouse what is going on and listen to every detail. Though you may not relate,
you will start to understand what is going on and sympathize.
Lack of communication
Communication is of utmost
importance in a marriage. A marriage cannot function to the best of its ability
when there are no lines of communication. Talk freely to your partner. If
something is bothering you, address the issue openly and honestly.
Lying
Lying
It is obvious lying, in any
relationship, is wrong. But when it’s done in a marriage, it tends to hurt
more. You feel betrayed by the person you believed in wholeheartedly. If you
feel the necessity to lie, ask yourself why. Is your lie worth jeopardizing
your relationship? When people lie, they do so assuming they are protecting the
person they are lying to. However, a lie hurts more than the truth.
Marriages are about two people
loving and supporting each other through it all – even when they do not always
agree.
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