Almost
everyone tries to save money when they can, but it can be embarrassing
to reach for your coupons when you're out with your friends. It's like
there's something uncool about saving money. But frugality doesn't mean
the same thing to everyone, and you should never feel self-conscious
about it.
This post originally appeared on ReadyForZero.
I'll admit upfront—I'm usually "the frugal" one in any given group.
Aside from working at a company that lives and breathes personal
finance, I'm also not a big spender by nature. In that way, it's been
easy to maintain my frugal tendencies. Though my affinity for saving
isn't something I'm actively spieling about in everyday conversation, it
definitely manifests in my actions. Unfortunately, there's a common
theme I've noticed as the frugalista figurehead—frugality isn't always
given the high-five of awesomeness in social settings.
It's not easy to stand by your tendency to save when others around you
are putting on the pressure to spend. On more than one occasion, my
decision to save rather than spend caused me to feel judged or isolated
from others—even when my saving strategy had zero impact on another
person's life or experience. During those times I also felt the need to
excuse my desire to save and defend my frugality.
Which brings to question… when did frugality become such a bad thing?
If you've ever been in a situation where you've felt the need to defend
your frugality, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Frugality
has become equated with cheapness, with stinginess, with dullness. Not
exactly painting a positive picture for anyone looking to save a few
pennies. There's something considered inherently "uncool" about saving
money. This, despite the fact that being financially sound (and beyond)
is considered an important pillar of professional and personal success.
But before breaking down the complicated relationship we have with
frugality, let's first take it back to the basic definition. Frugality
is defined by the online Merriam Webster dictionary as being "characterized by or reflecting economy in the use of resources."
It's a perfectly acceptable (if a bit general) definition of the term
and one that even demonstrates the value and usefulness of the quality.
("…Economy in the use of resources"? How is that NOT cool!?). But what
Merriam and Webster don't quite get into are the specific reasons that
inspire frugality—why people adopt it, how they each differ in their
real life interpretations, etc.
The truth of the matter is, frugality doesn't mean the same thing to everyone. The nature of the practice is built on so many external factors that the meaning varies vastly individual to individual. This is why it can often be lost in translation from one person to another or misinterpreted among friends.
So then, how can we reconcile the misunderstanding?
Look Beyond the Stigma to Appreciate the Varying Functions of Frugality
When you can define what motivates a behavior or action, you're much
more likely to accept it as a legitimate response or pursuit. In regards
to frugal behavior, empathizing with the notion that each individual
comes from a very specific set of circumstances will help to create a
climate of deeper understanding. Here are a few different examples of
frugality that you might encounter on a daily basis.
- Out of Necessity: For some, it's out of sheer necessity. Bills won't be paid, basic needs won't be met. To go to dinner out wouldn't simply break the budget, it would cause real and immediate financial repercussions. On the cusp of red, balancing a budget based on necessary spending alone is just a fact of life. This is a situation that deserves respect and empathy as well as a supportive environment.
- Saving to Spend: Others with more flexibility in the budget might look to cut costs so that they might spend more casually in another category. A good example is the traveler at heart. Flights, accommodation, travel expenses are all things that require a decent upfront cost. Frugal behavior in this case might be indicative of financial compromise. Choosing to forgo one thing in order to spend in another area.
- Personal Trait: People are different, plain and simple. Each person has had a different and unique introduction to how they should handle financial matters. Maybe they learned from a thrifty mom or from a significant other. Some people are just naturally less interested in spending and that's totally okay!
- Momentum Savers: This is actually something I've experienced first hand—frugality is an expanding habit. Once you start saving (and thereby start seeing the positive result of your savings) it's so much easier to continue with the pattern. If you give a mouse a cookie and they save it… they'll want more cookies. That's how I see it, at least.
- Looking Towards the Future: Future goals are a huge incentive for creating and sticking to a savings plan. For those who have their eyes set on larger goals (buying a house, an early retirement, travel plans, etc,) frugality is simply a necessary step in the process of achieving a goal.
You might not fit in any, or you may fit in several. Whatever the reason(s) behind your frugality, remember that they may be different from your neighbor, or your friend, or your family. That's okay. Again, understanding that personal finance is highly individualized
is a critical step. Once you realize frugality is what you make it, you
can begin defining your financial values and begin working towards your
goals.
That being said, it can be hard to feel confident in saving when
you're uncomfortable with sharing your goals or feel social pressure
from others. Feeling like you have to defend your actions naturally
brings up a bit of confusion and even self-doubt. If you're struggling
to feel comfortable in your financial pursuits there are a couple
techniques to reframe the way you approach the matter.
- Realize that those who judge are only reflecting their own realities. Most people don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or to judge your actions. Just as you might unintentionally judge them for spending more ("Oh must be so nice to have so much money", "They just don't understand", etc.)
- Find stability/confidence in the purpose of your actions. The only thing you can truly control is your reaction to the things that happen around you. In the instance of feeling pressured to spend or embarrassed about your frugality—step back and redirect your less positive reactions. Remember, there's value in your goals. You can utilize a highly focused purpose to remain connected and motivated in continuing with your goal.
- Exhibit kindness towards yourself and your decisions. It's important to exhibit kindness towards others but it's also important to show kindness to yourself. Give merit to your decisions and don't feel as if they need to be justified at every turn! If you want to, then explain. If not, it's perfectly fine to keep it private.
Frugality is a normal part of a healthy financial life. As
always, the more dialogue on the topic, the more traction for acceptance
and conversation on the matter. Talk about it, share, but don't feel
that you need to default to the defensive. As for me? I've fully
embraced being that girl that suggests potlucks at every turn. Who
mentions prices more than her peers. Frugality is a part of my framework and I'm happy to see the positive impact on my future. Owning it with confidence has made all the difference.
Why You Should Never Feel Self-Conscious About Being Frugal | ReadyForZero
Claire Murdough
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